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Friday, July 5

News from the Department of Truth

Comrade Mark Safranski has graciously volunteered to teach modern irrigation methods to potato farmers in Death Valley, California after he was caught flying the national flag of the Economy of the United States upside down on America's most sacred holiday, National Barbecue Day, and using the "F" word when he called the Economy's defense strategy of consolidating a massive data base on Americans in one place "dumb."

Comrade Mark was joined in Death Valley by Comradess Rachel Maddow after she thoughtlessly used the third segment of her television show on the eve of National Barbecue Day to make fun of America's close allies Austria, Spain, Portugal and France, and to infer that Comrade Barack Obama was lying in his teeth about not putting pressure on every nation on the planet to ground any plane, hot air balloon or dirigible suspected to be carrying the American traitor Edward Snowden.

In a joint statement released today by the Department of Truth, Comrade Mark and Comradess Rachel said, 'We apologize to the American people for any offense we gave, intentional or otherwise, to the Economy of the United States. We celebrated the Economy's sacred holiday by barbecuing potatoes and rattlesnakes.'

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