April Fool's Day tomfoolery from the (usually serious-minded) Electronic Frontiers Foundation.(Didn't Ed Snowden wear an EFF hoodie when he worked at NSA Hawaii?) H/T Marc Lemire's FreedomSite. My favorite parody is the third report. At least I hope these are parodies.
North Pole Transparency Report Reveals Naughty/Nice Request
The first-ever transparency report issued by Santa's Workshop has raised troubling questions about the 0-999 national security requests for the entire so-called "Naughty and Nice List," which the NSA has categorized as simple metadata. Santa's participation in this program answers lingering questions about a "Sixth Eye" described in previously released top secret documents that "knows when [non-US persons] are sleeping, and knows when [non-US persons] are awake."
New Report: Up To Four Communications Per Year Not "Touched" By NSA
As documents released by Edward Snowden continue to reveal NSA activities, the number of communications not definitively tied to government snooping is up to a maximum of four per year. That number has been continuously adjusted downward over the last eight months, with especially sharp decreases after this past month's revelation of IMPENDINGSLUMBER, a program designed to intercept children's bedtime stories; FORGETFULSHOPPER, which tracks details from passive aggressive notes affixed by roommates to household refrigerators; and SOLITARYSINGER, which records individual musical stylings performed in the shower.
Leaked USTR Documents Show Heightened Secrecy Plan
Citing high-profile leaks and worldwide protests that have threatened to derail the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP), the U.S. Trade Representative has developed plans to conduct future negotiations in more complete secrecy, according to leaked documents. The documents note that leaks are only possible because the Trade Representative's office itself has access to the negotiations. To avoid this glaring security lapse, future negotiations will be held in completely empty rooms, and negotiators will not be allowed access.